You just made me feel so damn special
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
