So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
