It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
me + whiskey = a bad person
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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