I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
