All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
