it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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