im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
