I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
