I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
