I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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