i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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