I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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