i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
