I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
