Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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