Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
