He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
