Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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