I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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