Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
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