I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
