I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
