i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
