I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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