Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
