Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
