True but thats because hes a fetus.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
