I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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