He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
