Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Randomize
