this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
