some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
