I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
