Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
