k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
