wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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