To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
