Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
