i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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