I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
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