my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
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