i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
