He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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