9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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