omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
