I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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