he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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