just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
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