i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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