Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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